I fantasize to take myself away from reality. I fantasize to get off. I fantasize to explore my sexuality and learn new things about myself. I fantasize to put myself in others’ shoes.
Funny to think I tried to escape my thoughts by escaping into my other thoughts.
When I masturbate I often seek fantasies to get me intrigued, aroused, peaked and satisfied in this pleasure-seeking process. This is usually successful. What I didn’t expect today was that this venture took me to a place that was cathartic. Once my intense G-spot and clitoral orgasm climaxed, I was brought to tears by my thoughts and emotions. I felt relief.
I cannot recall what exactly my thoughts were, but I know that my thoughts during my orgasm were resolutions to my thoughts about reality. I didn’t realize I needed to be healed until the healing began. I knew I still need kindness and patience, but I didn’t know that even now healing is taking place.
I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. Healing takes a long time. So does learning. I hope that I’ll always be healing and learning throughout my lifetime. And fuck, any support for my masturbatory habits is just icing on the cake.
My escape brought me back to reality. But that ended up being a really, really great cycle. xoxo