Introduction
We as a community of sex educators, activists, workers—we as people—all have stories to share that are equally important. This is one such book that is as inspirational as it is educational, and it gives a collective voice to people and stories that are long overdue to be heard. I wrote copious notes as I read this nonfiction anthology: Best Sex Writing 2013: The State of Today’s Sexual Culture. All of the authors wrote with such clarity that I thought their tales were incredibly poignant and reminded me of something that Dr. Carol Queen, this book’s Guest Judge, said at CatalystCon East this year:

“Tell your truth.”

There is so much work to be done in the field of sexuality, and progress can be made as we all share our stories and collaborate with one another. I want to see the sex community grow into an inclusive environment in which acceptance runs as rampant as we like to think it does. It intrigues me to imagine how the sex community will change, and I can only hope it will be made all the better by books such as this one.

Let’s hear what the editor, Rachel Kramer Bussel, had to say:

“One of the things I like best about editing the Best Sex Writing series is approaching the ubiquitous topic of sex from new angles. I like to mix things up, to include authors who aren’t based in the world of sex writing alongside ones who are. I also like to mix things up by including deeply personal essays mixed with reportage, this year from publications like New York (“Very Legal: Sex and Love in Retirement”), The Atlantic (“Can a Better Vibrator Inspire an Age of Great American Sex?”), East Bay Express (“Sex by Numbers”), Riverfront Times (“Lost Boys”) and LA Weekly (“Porn Defends the Money Shot”).

Unlike editing my erotica anthologies, when I was editing Best Sex Writing 2013, I was “working” even when I wasn’t working. As I read for pleasure, I was also keeping an eye out for articles and essays that might fit in well with the book, which is how I discovered gems like “Sex by Any Other Name” by Insiya Ansari in the anthology Love, InshAllah: The Secret Love Lives of American Muslim Women, edited by Ayesha Mattu and Nura Maznavi and “Cherry Picking” by Julia Serano in the anthology Trans/Love: Radical Sex, Love & Relationships Beyond the Gender Binary, edited by Morty Diamond. Others I solicited about topics in the news, such as Tim Tebow and the reaction to his virginity (“Holy Fuck” by Jon Pressick).

Yet I want to be clear: yes, the book has the word “best” on it, but I would be sad if anyone thought this were the final word on sex writing, in 2013 or any other year. Any Best Of collection is always going to be colored by the person or people doing the selecting. While I believe the quality of the writing and thinking collected in this book is top-notch, what I hope readers take away is that they too are part of the conversation. I don’t expect everyone (or possibly anyone) to read all 20 pieces and think, I agree with everything in each one. In fact, that would disappoint me. Instead, I want them to serve up new ways of looking at topics such as aging and sexuality, or sex work and happiness, or whether polyamory is a relationship ideal. It’s likely that some of the pieces here might unnerve you, or confuse you, or arouse you, or educate you (or all of those)—and that’s a good thing.

I also appreciate that many of these pieces complicate the idea of a sexual utopia. They ask hard questions, push buttons and fight back against simplistic answers, whether it’s Lori Selke’s “Dear John” letter to the leather community or Patrick Califia’s essay “Enhancing Masochism,” where he writes: “This is not to say that BDSMers (or our relationships) are always happy and strong. Our community has its share of people who are mean-spirited or manipulative or crackers. Some of us find romantic love and lots of sex with ease; others experience higher levels of loneliness and unsatisfied desire. But this is simply the human condition. It’s okay for us to be imperfect.”

To that end, I know each reader will have different favorites in the book, different connections they make than the ones I made. I want this book to come alive, not literally, but in the sense that it gets talked about, debated, passed around. While in some ways it’s a time capsule, a snapshot of the current sexual moment, legal and cultural battles and achievements and news, it’s about, at heart, to reiterate what Califia wrote about the BDSM community, the human condition. Or rather, conditions. These authors are quite different from each other, but all are daring to speak openly and intimately about sexuality, whether their own or others’. They’re challenging themselves, their lovers and conventional (and less conventional) wisdom. I look forward to hearing what readers have to say about those challenges, and to seeing more writing that opens up the world of sex in smart, critical, exciting ways.”

Rachel Kramer Bussel edits the “Sex Diaries” for New York Magazine and hosts SRO readings around the country. Based in New York City, she is a prolific erotica editor, and her titles include Spanked, He’s on Top, She’s on Top, Passion, and Do Not Disturb.

Dr. Carol Queen is a writer, speaker, educator and activist with a doctorate in sexology. Her books include Pomosexuals, Real Live Nude Girl, and Switch Hitters. She lives in San Francisco, where she is the Good Vibrations Staff Sexologist.

Sweepstakes
Enter below to win a copy of Best Sex Writing 2013, given graciously by Cleis Press. The contest is open to everyone worldwide.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thank you, Rachel and Cleis Press for allowing me to take part in the blog tour for Best Sex Writing 2013! I’m so happy to be a part of this wonderful virtual blog tour. xoxo

I’ll post more photographs of myself in the new year, I think. (Would you like to see more?) But until then, look how delightful my new book collection is! From gender studies to anal instruction and bondage to romance, I think my brain will be happy over the next few weeks.

Happy New Year’s lovelies! xoxo

 

• Watching Lois Perform    Saskia Walker
• Pierce Me    Shanna Germain
• Under My Thumb    Thomas S. Roche
• Daddy’s Girl    Marilyn Jaye Lewis
• The Discovery     Rachel Kramer Bussel
• Cowboy’s Dungeon    Michelle Houston
• Sonnet    Cate Robertson
• Ordinary Love    R. Gay
• Unlike the Others    Xavier Acton
• The Real Prize    Mia Underwood
• Down Below    Jean Roberta
• Betty’s Bottom    Michael Hemmingson
• Master of Technology    Vanessa Evans
• Bad Doggy    Julia Moore
• Ever On Edge    Debra Hyde
• Five Bucks a Swat    Christopher Pierce
• Everything That You Want    C. D. Formetta
• Without Mercy    Erica Dumas
• Divorce Proceedings    N. T. Morley
• Well Trained    Alison Tyler
• Recuerdos Agridulces    Sophia Valenti
• A Secret King    Sommer Marsden

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I appreciated many aspects of this book.  I was more impressed by this book than I expected to be (what can I say?  I’m skeptical sometimes.).  This book is great for all folks who are intimate with women.  Of course.  I wouldn’t say I am an expert about my lady bits yet, but I probably know quite a lot in comparison to others–and still I found myself learning new things in this book.  Wiseman provided me with some new ideas of foreplay that I want to experience.

The most impressive thing about this book is that Wiseman covers all the bases.  He talks about consent, safe sex, toys, lubricants, fetishes, as well as all of the sexual tricks that are expected.  He appropriately emphasizes some key points that allow the reader to become (re)educated about all of the important aspects of a healthy, happy sexual relationship.

Here is one trick that I thought would be a nice example:

#14: Painful Penetration Procedures
When a woman says that it hurts when you thrust into her, it may mean (assuming adequate lubrication) that the tip of your penis, or your dildo, is hitting her cervix.  Consider the following as a possible remedy.  Under normal, unaroused circumstances, her cervix may protrude into her vaginal canal.  However, when she becomes aroused, specific muscles deep in her abdomen may contract.  These muscles lift her cervix up and away from the canal, and often even cause a slight hollow to form at the end.  Therefore, if penetration hurts, try waiting until she’s more aroused before you enter her (Tricks to Please a Woman,Wiseman, pp. 22).

In such a scenario as this, many people would just assume that the penis/dildo is simply too big.  However, as Wiseman shows, there might be a possible remedy for such a situation.

This book is an easy read and it can be informative to folks with varied expertise in the bedroom.  If you don’t own any books about sex with ladies, I think that this book is a great foundation to work with.  Wiseman covers all of the key bases, and if you find yourself intrigued  by specific topics, you can go out and read other books that focus on those areas in more detail.  Heck, I learned even more about different toy styles by reading this book–and I review sex toys!

Other Wiseman books sold by Good Vibrations can be seen here.  Thank you, Good Vibrations Sex Toys for allowing me to review this product! xoxo

Playing With Fire, edited by Alison Tyler, is HOT.  This book challenges what is considered taboo and puts a fresh, sexy, eloquent spin on it. Once I opened this book up, I couldn’t put it down! (Seriously!)  It is 290 pages long and was published in 2009.

I am envious of the high-quality writing that these authors created.  I adore short stories, and these folks depicted thrillingly sexy tales on just a few pages each, which left me craving more. They all creatively tell fantasies around the fiery theme of this book.

From spanking and exhibitionism, to being tied up or tied down, these stories are hot.  Steamy. Cheating.  A fire. Giving head. Dominance and submission. Rough sex. These authors’ stories run the gamut.  Everything is hot and dirty and erotic.

According to Good Vibes, Playing With Fire will ignite your imagination, fuel your fervor, and inspire you to have some smokin’ hot sex!

This book is sure to please everyone. Each story is different from the rest–except that they are all erotic.  Very, very erotic. If you want some hot stories to get you in the mood, this book is highly recommended.

Other Erotica offered by Good Vibrations Sex Toys can be viewed here. xoxo

I was most impressed at how this book was sympathetic and informative about all of the different styles of relationships.  Taormino was excellent at pointing out issues and stigmas involved with all types of relationships. This book should be read by everyone.  I think that it helped me become more understanding and accepting of other various lifestyles.  This book is thorough in its education.

One quote (of many) that stuck out to me was this: “Monogamy does not automatically foster intimacy in a relationship, any more than non-monogamy fosters a lack of intimacy” (Taormino, 16).  Monogamy shouldn’t be the default choice, but it still might be best for many people.

For me personally, this book educated me about why I most prefer monogamy, while also teaching me of the primary issues involved with monogamy.  For example, I do not want to have communication or trust issues with my significant other. This book educates the reader about how and why to communicate as well as how trust is connected to it.  Now that I know the more common weak points that come with having one partner, I will know what to do when problems arise down the road.

Tristain Taormino has an impressive career that can be viewed on her site, PuckerUp.com and on OpeningUp.net

Everyone should be open enough to at least read this fantastic book in order to gain some insight.  It has helpful details for every person, in every type of relationship.  Go on, Open Up this book!  Good Vibrations Sex Toys offers a wide variety of other resources regarding open relationships that can be found here.  Thanks Good Vibes! xoxo

I was curious to read this series of short stories because I love reading & writing erotica. I wanted to find out how stimulating and entertaining these stories would be.

Since I love to read and write erotica, I find that I have a critical eye when I read different stories. I need stories that are concise and make every detail feel important. I need stories that catch my interest early so that I will want to read what dirty things happen later, otherwise I will get bored and skip ahead. (I don’t read smut or romance novels for a reason.) This book provided me with just what I need. Every story was clear and well-written, not to mention that they were also sexy. These tales made me want to read on into these short-lived characters’ lives. *sigh*

I enjoyed all of the authors’ styles. Each story was uniquely sexy. I think the range of creativity encased in this anthology will be diverse enough to appeal to a large audience. I recommend this book to everyone who likes reading good, dirty stories about Women. Other erotica books can be found here. Thanks Babeland! xoxo

Goal: This guide book provides information and support for women battling cancer. Its goal is to teach women to learn to love themselves enough to be willing to be open with their partners or loved ones, in order to gain additional support during these tough times. Often after cancer treatment women feel disfigured, betrayed, insecure, and depressed. They should instead herald what gifts they have been given in life, which includes learning to love themselves and share intimacy with others. Intimacy is not just intercourse. This book provides detailed information and advice for moving forward.

Audience: This guidebook is geared for women who have battled cancer or who are still battling cancer.

Advice: The greatest advice that every woman should hear is: you’re beautiful no matter what. Women tend to have double standards where they are hard on themselves and their own body images, whereas they are much kinder when they critique others.

Pros: This guide book is very useful. Even though I am not part of its targeted audience, I was still reminded of my insecurities and learned that I should not be so harsh on myself (especially regarding my physical appearance). This book has self-assessment quizzes and other features that make it very interactive. If the reader has serious problems, the book can guide her to seek appropriate help, such as with depression. If the reader has milder problems, such as slight insecurities, the guide can help her with learning how to love herself more. The book is great at addressing the wide range of problems the readers might have. It reminds them that they are not alone.

Cons: Nothing. My only worry is that it will only help those who SEEK the help, so it might not reach a large number of readers unless it is widely advertised to its targeted population.

My Favorite Aspect:I love that this book addresses different cultural practices about cancer. Many other cultures see cancer as a death sentence or as a punishment for some evil act. This can have an affect on how the woman values herself even after the treatment. These differing views can also affect whether or not a woman remains intimate with her spouse. It’s hard enough to be open while feeling like damaged goods, let alone when your whole community sees you as a sinner or damaged goods as well.

What Makes This Book Special: This book contains various diagrams, sexual positions, quotes, facts, inspiration, and humor. This book runs the gamut and addresses the wide variety of ways cancer can affect women and their sexuality. Changes happen whether we want them or not, so it is beneficial to learn about them and accept these differences.
I’m very pleased that Babeland offers guide books such as this one to help people maintain or regain their intimacy through hard times and drastic changes. Intimacy is an important part of our lives, so we should not give it up, but rather fight for it. Babeland offers books about sex during pregnancy, healing sex, karma sutra, among many others you might find useful for you. Thanks Babeland! xoxo