Are You on the Pill?

“Are you on the pill?”

I have heard this from several men in the past, even a few minutes before having sex with them.  My problem with this question is that the guys thought that this is the only rationale behind whether or not to use protection.  If you are on the pill, then he will want to go without a condom.  If you are not on the pill, he will still want to go without a condom, but perhaps he is likelier to insist wearing it, because of the risk of pregnancy.  Otherwise he will try to “pull out” or other such nonsense.

While it may be comforting for the guy to know whether or not I am on birth control, it is not the be-all end-all.  Regardless of that matter, I still want protection from his fluids.  I still want to minimize my risks and maximize my safety.  It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t feel as good.  If the sex is just casual, for example, I want to maintain my sexual health for myself and my future.  It is easier for women to contract STDs from men, than it is for men to contract from women.  When they want to go without a condom, they have a lower risk of getting an STD. We women are the ones with the higher risk, thus we need to have the mightier, respected voice.

However, there have been times where I have felt like I was being the mood-killer, the party-pooper when I insisted on condoms.  They got suspicious: “Why are you so adamant about condoms? Do you have something?” No, I fucking don’t have something.  I want my health, and I deserve it.  I want to enjoy sex fully and safely.  I’m not the bad guy here.  I’m the responsible adult in the bedroom, it seems.

Why have I felt like I was fighting for something that should be standard?  Condoms (safety, health, respect) should be common sense.  They shouldn’t be an afterthought.  Please respect your partner’s wishes and values, be  a one-nighter, or a one-for-lifer. xoxo