To hear more about Nina, her career as a feminist, activist, and porn star as well as her personal sexual experiences, I highly recommend her interview on the podcast Tangentially Speaking that’s hosted by Christopher Ryan.

I won’t go into detail about the discussion, because that is Nina’s story to tell, and because I have a mission in this post. What I want to share with you are two main ideas I took to heart. The first is a precursor to the second and I believe the second is something I really valued hearing from her. I wanted to conceptualize relationships with others in a healthy, happy way, and Nina worded it beautifully. I don’t think I will do her words justice, but here are my impressions of what she talked about.

1) Communicate. Talk about sexual wants and needs, fantasies, desires, kinks, boundaries, hard limits, and so on. Even if someone fits within the social “norm”–heterosexual and monogamous–what that person really ought to do is put into words what is pleasurable. Only after this is discussed can possible crossovers be found in order to see whether a sexual experience or relationship might progress.

2) Being okay with limits (and “no”s). Being happy and appreciative within relationships while respecting the parameters is important. It’s very easy to turn sexual desires and pleasure-seeking into a selfish game. Don’t push others to meet all of your needs; find what pleasures and interests are shared with that person(s) and set up the relationship’s boundaries around that. Being offended and whiny that someone does not fulfill all of your wants is immature. Instead of becoming grumpy about limits set upon relationships for various reasons, just enjoy and appreciate the experiences for what they are. This also involves being patient, because things change and opportunities might crop up in the future.

It’s very easy to fixate on the negative aspects of things. It’s easier to lash out in hate, jealousy, and overall “butthurt”-ness (Nina said “butthurt”! So funny.) because you turn the sexual world into a world that revolves around yourself. Try to be happy for others and their sexual successes and adventures, while enjoying living your own life and exploring your sexuality. It can be quite an honor to be involved, even remotely, in someone’s sexual adventures.

Besides, anger, jealousy, hate can be such exhausting emotions. I’d much rather expend energy on orgasms.

See who else is being wicked this week by clicking the banner below! xoxo

First and foremost, I never rush into anything, especially if I feel pressured. When I feel the slightest push from someone in a not-so-sexy-and-consensual way, I resist and ultimately decline. There may be a fine line between putting on the moves and pushing someone, and many might not be able to tell the difference–but it is huge. In addition, I am not a risk-taker and so I do not engage with someone unless I get a really good feel for what he is like. If he doesn’t jive with me based on personality, we will not successfully jive in bed.

When a fella and I decide we might have some fun together, we talk about the fine print. We exchange sexual health and STI information, protection requirements, current relationship status/ sex life, and so on. These are baseline topics that ought to be discussed in advance of sexy times if possible. When I initially meet a guy online, I also like to cover bases such as hard limits, turn-ons, and sexual preferences. This is because there is more time for such discussions, and it can be valuable to know this information even before meeting him in person. For example, perhaps one of his hard limits is one of your favorite sex acts to do–that might be a deal breaker. I like to make it clear that while I’m happy to do various things in the bedroom, I expect the equivalent things in return. I like to call my equal exchange agreement a “tit for tat.” This is a team effort, however short-lived. 

When I meet a guy, we arrange some semblance of a date. Dinner, drinks, coffee, what have you are all great starts to a casual meet-up without making anyone feel stressed or committed to the tentative plans. I meet and hang out with guys in public. If all goes well, perhaps we decide to stick together for the night, or plan for another night in the future. Excellent. It has been brought to my attention that these dating rituals of sorts are not common with all cultures. But until I reach the point of it being okay to text a guy to come over for an ASAP romp, I expect to at least be briefly courted. This isn’t a prenuptial, people.

What I have come to prefer most is having a good friend who also happens to be my fuck buddy. This means that the chemistry is there at least somewhat, and that our personalities connect. I also really enjoy when the casual sex is a regular thing, where monogamy is not necessary, but honesty is required. However, there can be benefits to having sexual encounters with near-strangers too. What I recommend is to still get a good sense of the person, really learn what s/he like and if you connect or not. Then plan it safely and smartly: meet in public, test the waters, see how it goes. One of the larger risks with sex with strangers is that it is harder to know if they are trustworthy and also if they are good in bed. Having realistic expectations is a must.

I do believe it can be incredibly successful to find casual, quality partners online, but you have to know where to look for what you want. Believe me when I say that dating sites and social media sites can get extremely spammy when it comes to men trying to connect/talk to women. It can be so spammy that messages get ignored, deleted, and lost in the chaos. I think there is hope for adult sites, such as XXX Sex Guides that are very specific about the type of dating they are trying to arrange for consumers.

My advice is to be respectful, straightforward, and friendly toward the people you interact with online, and more so toward the people you’d like to fuck someday. Good grammar and humor are also always great things too. If you have questions about online dating, casual relationships, long-distance relationships, etc., please contact me! xoxo

This post is brought to you by XXX Sex Guides, and depicts the thoughts and opinions of Geeky Nymph.

I propped my laptop on the edge of my bed, straddling it with my legs. You watched as I slowly undressed, reveling in your gaze. I certainly admired my view of you, naked and erect, grinning like a fool who just won the lottery.

I traced your tattoos with my eyes, taking in the sight of skin, wishing I could rake your bare chest and arms with my nails as we make rough love. I couldn’t resist peaking quickly and powerfully as I fucked myself senseless. I’m an exhibitionist on my stage: watch me as I buck and purr for you, daddy.

I came for you in my most vulnerable state. Grief-stricken and lost, I knew I had you and your desire to pull me through my troubles. I needed your appreciation and adoration. Being able to play for you brought such sweet joy.

I could have cried upon seeing the love in your eyes. The way you blew me kisses and thanked me for sharing myself with you emphasized the chasm that preceded that moment. I was selling myself short rather than demanding for more. We both came intensely and tirelessly such that we rode the waves of pleasure as it swam through our bodies, never wanting it to end, but grinning even when it did.

It opened a new chapter of healing for me, with you at my side throughout. Sometimes it is enough to fulfill a role for each other, for the time being. But I look forward to the possibility of it becoming more someday. xoxo

Happy 1st Birthday to Wicked Wednesday! See who else is celebrating:

Because I identify as a highly sexual person, this somehow means that I should be fucking every person I meet. This means that I should be actively pursuing people to fuck. This means that every day/hour/minute I’m not fucking someone(s) I should be rubbing my clit and fucking myself excessively because that’s what being a highly sexual being must entail, right?

I can be a bit sarcastic, but you hopefully get the point. I am not at the point in my life, nor with the right people, to be able to maximize my sexual relationships and experiences. This doesn’t mean that I am not a highly sexual person and this doesn’t mean that I am unhappy. Sex finds its way into my life every single day through various mediums. Sometimes I read articles about sexual health or I review a sex toy. Other times I share feminist, sex-positive news with people and other times I watch porn. At times I masturbate a bajillion times in a day, and other days I don’t masturbate even once. Often On occasion I have phone sex or I write an erotic story. I am a single, independent, sexual woman. I am a young professional out in the world, finding my way, earning a living and the frequency of intercourse does not define me.

I want to find a significant other(s). I want to live with someone I love. I just happen to be alone for the time being, and that is not a bad thing, nor a deficient thing. I don’t want to have random sex with strangers (yet) because I am looking for something else, and I am happy to wait to get what I want.

There is a piece in Best Sex Writing 2013 that resonated with me because it addressed how society shames virgins, because a person shouldn’t wait to have sex with someone special, but a person should want to fuck at any given opportunity that crops up–and in fact, create opportunities through which sex is likely to happen as soon as fucking possible. This is unfair. People should be allowed to lead the sexual or asexual lives they want to lead. I expect my future to be full of lots of sexcapades and experiences to learn and try new things with people. Others don’t expect a future filled with sexual plans like mine but instead expect intimacy on many other levels.

We as a society should be more aware of when we are applying our judgments upon others in a negative way. For example, a 40 year-old virgin isn’t a deficient person and isn’t leading an insufficient life merely because he/she/they is a virgin. There’s value in waiting for whatever life situation is perceived worthwhile to be waiting for. I lost my virginity a few years ago and in some ways I wish I would have waited at least for my first serious relationship, because then it would have been more special. However, I was a content, sexual person even before I lost my virginity.

My current rationale is that I’d rather fuck myself than fuck someone who might not do it as well as my hands and brain and toys can. *wink* But who knows. I do think I sense new partner(s) on the horizon. If you try to say toys are replacements of partners and even cocks, I will lecture you. Inanimate objects never replace people. Toys allow people to explore, learn, enhance, and embrace their sexualities more easily. I still want a partner in crime, duh.

And quite frankly, when I wait longer between sexcapades, or masturbation rounds for that matter, the reward is only sweeter.

And do you know what’s even sweeter and sexier than waiting? Knowing I’ll blog about it. xoxo

Am I to play Barry White? *NSYNC? Celine Dion? Tchaikovsky?

How would I make the scene as romantic as possible? Do I need to own candles and silky sheets and massage oils and rose petals? I do not enjoy silky sheets, I’ll say that much.

At present, I have not had sex while music played that I can recall, so the importance of mood setting hasn’t really become an essential component to me. I’ve learned that music isn’t all that important and that there are other things that come to my attention during sex–more important things than the background music, or sheets, or rose petals. I’m  busier paying attention to the shared experience of pleasure and oftentimes I am giggling, joking, and playing around. Such fun aspects of intimacy are what’s important to me and the background elements aren’t so critical.

I do remember thinking that dirty, catchy tunes would be fun to listen to while having nasty sex. Ludacris’s “What’s Your Fantasy” comes to mind.

I suppose thinking of this week’s prompt (Radio) helps emphasize that 1) I am a planner/worrier and I like to be prepared, 2) I am a romantic, and 3) I am a horny pervert. This points aren’t new, but it’s fun to see them retrospectively in my younger self.

See who else is being delightfully Wicked this week! xoxo

PS. This post title is the name of a song by Regina Spektor. Yes, I would fuck while listening to her tunes.

“Home-wreckers” are often women that married men have affairs with, right? Do you know who is really to blame in these scenarios? The cheating spouse. People shouldn’t blame the stranger simply because it’s easier than addressing the cheating of the partner. Who is the one who is definitely acting immorally? The cheater. End of story.

I don’t have any broad moral bones to pick with the third parties, especially as I don’t know where they are coming from. Maybe that person has no idea what the situation involves, maybe that person does know. I don’t think it matters at the end of the day. When a spouse cheats, there is definitely something dishonest happening. Situations of cheating can easily get messy and complicated, but I think that generally the third party did not instigate the home-wrecky-ness.

Because this scenario is common with a married man cheating on his wife with another woman, the fact that the other woman is blamed by society feels a little slut-shame-y to me. I cannot articulate why it feels this way other than that the societal blame is being put on the woman, the other, rather than the man and his cheating. This doesn’t feel right. It’s always easier to blame the scapegoat, but that doesn’t make it okay. xoxo

Photo courtesy of CreativNooky

Welcome to e[lust] - The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at e[lust]. Want to be included in e[lust] #46? Start with the newly updated rules, come back May 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Bringing Toxic Sex Toy Facts Out of the Attic

How Do I Get My Wife to Dominate Me?

I Need This

~ Featured Posts (Molly’s Picks) ~

Speaking the unspeakable

#safetytipsforladies

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Easy Come Easy Go: A Look at Orgasm Control
I came before I was ready
Relationships and age difference
PolyAnna’s Musings: Different is Good, Right?
Seriously Proud Queer
Spanking Kink of the Week
How to Be Good in Bed
A Thousand Small Unhappinesses
What’s in a Number?
The Absence ofHow to Tell if a Man is Gay
Stop Shitting on the Bottoms

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

It’s Not Misandry, You’re a Douchebag

CatalystCon

Catalyst: How it Inspired

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Caning: To count or not to count
Slavery and Social Death, by O. Patterson
His Eyes Hungry. His Body Pleads: Use Me!
Toilet Whore
And then, I apologized.

Erotic Fiction

Wicked Wednesday: A little bit of confusion
The Moment
Detached
Waxing Lyrical
The “L” word
Gorge
Lolita Twenty-Thirteen, Part Three
Difficult

Erotic Non Fiction

Girl on Girl
The Moment I Felt Owned
Tasting Her
Acting on Instructions
Final Cruise
Quickie
A Lazy Sadistic Orgasm
I had 8 days of sex.
An hour together
Cheerful Disappointment
What is Erotic?
The Coin Flip
Playing with Adam
A Trip to the Hardware Store
Fall From Grace

Eroticon

A Somewhat Different Eroticon2013 4~part Post

Poetry

The Dark Place

Green fingernails trace the soft pink flesh surrounding pert nipples. The tips stand at attention, which is also what they crave. These nipples desire pain. Sloppy, wet, tooth-inducing pain.

Show me your teeth.

Sharp canines sink deep into my neck, pressing on a jugular such that the pulse presses hard and fast against those hot, full lips entrapping it.

Let me live.

Deliberately slow fingers admire pale flesh, inviting goosebumps to pop up along their journey across the terrain. It’s as though the body responds instantaneously to touch; it quivers and quakes, begging to be touched twice over.

Give in.

The taste of a salty tongue intrigues. A voice unleashes itself into another’s entrance; pleasure is spoken and shared.

 Words.

Thank you, Mr. Payne for another sexy work of art based on an image of me.

See who else is being delightfully wicked this Wednesday by clicking the banner below. xoxo

The “labia-pride” movement

• Here’s the tagline:  Rebelling against the porn aesthetic, women are taking to the Internet to sing the praises of “endowed” women.
• This is a great post because it remarks on the Pussy-Pride Project created by Molly
• I of course participated in this project because I have Pussy Pride too, so check it out!

The feminist pornographer

• I CANNOT WAIT to read “The Feminist Porn Book.” I want the porn I watch and buy to be ethically made, feature consensual pleasure and acts, as well as feature people with an array of physiques, preferences, and personalities. 
• As an identified feminist I am greatly looking forward to learning more about the politics behind this debate.

How I became a feminist porn star

• Dylan Ryan is the bomb. 
• Here’s an excerpt:
  

   ”Do I feel like a lot of pornography is made with the male gaze, made to objectify women, to pervert feminine sexuality into something that is only for men and for their consumption? Totally. . . . I am very lucky that I don’t feel like I have made films or been involved in things that have only had that objective. I don’t feel like I have ever been treated that way.”

• Like I suggested earlier, of course many feminists like porn and want porn, not to mention perform, actively support, and even create porn.

“I can’t,” she insisted, knowing her body better than he. It was either honesty or she’d fake it. Sometimes she wondered if he preferred the latter.

He looked slightly surprised but did not push her further.

“Any way I can help you along?” His eyes shiny and expression sincere.

She suggested cuddling and kissing. She wanted to feel the length of his figure against hers, warming her skin from the crisp air. His hands trailed her curves in adoration.

“You’re beautiful, you know that?”

“Mhmm,” she murmured in agreement, a smile grew, enveloping her dimples. “So are you darling.”

He wrapped his arms around her, to be kind and cradle her breasts. They were rather heavy so the support was appreciated–not to mention that the task pleased him almost as much as coming did.

They enjoyed the simple closeness of their intertwined bodies as they talked about less interesting things. xoxo